


I Can't Do This On My Own

by elemsee



Category: Red Dead Redemption (Video Games)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-09
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2020-08-14 00:15:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20183059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elemsee/pseuds/elemsee
Summary: She wasn't sure how long she'd been awake — days, it felt like. Her eyes, bloodshot and red raw, ached whenever she blinked but the discomfort had grown into normality now. It was nothing compared to the pain deep within her chest.





	I Can't Do This On My Own

**Author's Note:**

> I promise, this is the last one of my angsty RDR spam. Once again my thanks goes to hellsdemonictrinity on Tumblr for their prompt lists that have inspired me so much today.

She wasn't sure how long she'd been awake — days, it felt like. Her eyes, bloodshot and red raw, ached whenever she blinked but the discomfort had grown into normality now. It was nothing compared to the pain deep within her chest. 

They'd escaped to a place called Shady Belle, deep within the Bayou. The heat was _suffocating, _as though they were trapped in a bubble, and she longed for the days when they'd been huddled around campfires in the freezing temperatures of Colter. Threats surrounded the gang at every turn — Lemoyne Raiders, the Pinkertons and hell, even the alligators in the swamps seemed hell bent on destruction. 

And — the most sobering, gut wrenching thought of all — he was gone. 

She could still remember Arthur's face as he came to her, his clothes covered in sweat and blood, the smell of gunfire and death burning her nostrils. As soon as she met his eyes, she knew what he was about to say. 

"No... no..." 

"Sean didn't make it. I'm — I'm sorry, darlin'." 

The screams that had echoed around the Clements Point camp were horrific, and she'd longed for the god awful sound to stop — only to realise, as she dropped to her knees in the dirt, that the screams were coming from her and her alone. 

Sean MacGuire had been unlike any other man she'd ever met, and it was impossible not to fall in love with him. He had taken her under his wing upon her joining the gang, and his boundless enthusiasm for life was infectious. Not only that, but his unflinching self-belief rubbed off on her too — for the first time in her life, having Sean cheering her on made her feel like she could _do_ something. 

Suddenly, she didn't think she could do anything anymore. She had barely even had time to mourn him — Jack's disappearance had happened so soon afterwards that it became the gang's main focus. 

She was _bitter._

"You alright?" came Arthur's voice from behind her as she stood out on the porch. 

She knew better than to lie to Arthur. She knew he was hurting too, even if he did a superior job of hiding it than she did. Sean had been his brother, after all. "No."

His hand found her shoulder, squeezing gently. 

She turned around to face him, though her eyes wouldn't meet his at first. "I loved him so much, Arthur. I loved him, and he loved me. He deserved better, we both did." She swallowed hard, struggling to fight back the tears that prickles at the corners of her tired eyes. "I can't do this on my own."

Arthur's gaze bore upon hers now, almost defiant against the air of awkwardness between them. "Now that's where you're wrong, kid. You ain't on your own in this, not now, not ever. We're your family."

"This family ain't the same without him."

"You're right. It ain't. Ain't never gonna be the same again, but it's still a family. We gotta hold on to what we still got."

The eye contact was broken once more as she turned slowly away from Arthur, both her hands clinging onto the railing in front of her as though her life depended upon it. 

She heard Arthur's defeated sigh from behind her. "Try and get some rest," he mumbled, and then he was gone. 

As she surveyed the view of the grounds ahead of her, her mind betrayed her with all the memories she'd been desperate to lock away. Not forget — to forget them would imply wishing they'd never happened. No, she just wanted to put them aside, just for now. Just until she was ready and healed. It was far too soon to think about the way Sean's face lit up every time she strode across camp in his direction, the weight of his arm around her waist in the middle of the night, the utterly endearing way his accent got stronger when he was drunk. "Get yer arse over here, woman! I feckin' love ya, didja know that? Do all of ya's know how much I love this woman? Look at her, feckin' diamond she is!"

A laugh escaped her lips at the thought of that memory, immediately followed by a dry, gruff sob. She was too exhausted to fight the tears now, a desperate longing gnawing at her insides, unable to cease the streams that suddenly flowed down both cheeks with reckless abandon.

She slid a shaky hand down to rest upon her swollen belly, sobs still wracking her body as memories danced cruelly in her mind. She silently berated herself for not telling him, for ever letting herself hope that they would be able to have a happy ending. 

_"Oh, Sean. I can't do this on my own."_


End file.
